Prank Calls With Gazzy
by Dracohellyes
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Adopted from ImBartSimpsonwhothehellareyou.
1. Chapter 1

**This is purely for humor. I apoligize for any OOC characters and anything off (i.e. Max wouldn't let them listen to such music [especially Gazzy!]) but I won't get offended by constructive critisism. Matter of fact, I encourage constructive critisism. **

**This was just an idea that popped in my head at random. It was gonna be a oneshot but you are welcome to PM any other ideas.**

**Once again: All characters belong to James Patterson and Teach Me How to Dougie belongs to California Swag District.**

**Without further or do: **

* * *

><p>Max POV<p>

"I'm bored…" Gazzy droned for the umpteenth time.

"I've heard." muttered Fang, bringing his hand to his forehead as if clutching it would make his headache go away. I don't have a degree in the medical field, heck, I'm not even a high school graduate, but I have a feeling that if he sat up and quit letting his head hang off the couch, it might go away.

"Why don't you tell him that?" came the delicate voice of Angel .I glanced over at her and was met by a pair of baby blue orbs looking back at me. All eyes were on her.

"Tell who what?" I interrogated.

"Tell Fang that sitting upwards might make his headache go away."

I gave a fleeting look to Fang, who had taken my advice. "I think we're good."

Quietness settled in again, besides the sounds of Iggy popping his mouth every few seconds, until Gazzy jumped up.

"I know what to do!" He bounced and started jumping up and down.

In unison, everyone but Fang, exclaimed. "What?"

"Prank calls."

Um, I don't know if he has noticed, but the era for prank calling is over. They have caller id now, silly boy. But, I suppose I can let him have some fun, I mean, it can't hurt him, and he needs some fun time. And I'm tired of raining on their parade all the time. We can all join in.

"Sure, that sounds like fun."

The whole room seemed to have perked up, especially Nudge." Who are you going to call?"

Gazzy seemed pretty set on whoever he was going to call, because he picked up the phone and retrieved a phone book from the table.

His blues eyes scanned over the transparently thin pages and he tapped his finger on a name in capital letters: SYLVAN TUTORING.

Then, an immoral grin appeared on his angelic face as he dialed the number.

"Who…?" came Ig's voice from behind, obviously irritated that nobody had told him what was going on.

"Gazzy is going to prank call as Sylvan Tutoring." I affirmed in a hushed tone as the Gasman put it on speaker phone.

Then came a voice from the other side of the line," Sylvan Tutoring, how may I assist you?"

Gazzy's voice swiftly changed from his normal boyish tone to a feminine intonation of a mother, "Yes ma'am. I was wondering if you could help me."

"And with what subject does your child need help with?"

"Oh no, ma'am ; its not my child, its me." Gazzy explained, "I was wondering if you could help me with dance."

"Dancing?" the woman on the other end drawled.

Nudge and Angel were already snickering, and I gestured for them to quiet down or evacuate the room till they could calm down. Iggy smirked. Even Fang managed to crack a smile. I hadn't a clue as to where Gaz was going with this.

"Oh yes, ma'am.. That's right." Gazzy replied.

"I'm sorry, Miss but we don't offer that kind of tutoring." The woman contradicted, "Is there anything else I can help-"

Gazzy cut her off," Oh no, ma'am - its _Mrs. _and I really need you to…" Gazzy paused," Teach Me How to Dougie."

"Excuse me?" The woman sounded perplexed, as if she didn't know what he was talking about. Adults these days…

"Teach me how to dougie." Gaz repeated, as if it were the most obvious thing.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Of course you don't..." Gasman muttered.

Then, he broke into song and the whole room broke into laughter that was muffled by pillows or our own fists. I was shocked to see that Fang's face had gone red with amusement. It was a rare, but delightful sight.

"Teach me how to dougie, teach me, teach me how to dougie." Gazzy droned on, "All my bi-"

I cleared my voice.

"-People love it. All my people love me.

"Ma'am, I really don't-"

" It seems that I'm going to have to teach you how to dougie. I thought this was Sylvan turoring, you should teach me. I am quite disappointed"

Surprised that she hadn't hung up yet, I shook my head in embarrassment. Its fun to see how much fun these kids have on their own.

"Ma'am, we don't have time for-"

Then , Gazzy's voice shifted back to normal." I'm a boy. I have the male anatomy-"

I hit his hand before he said it. We do have Angel around, and I would rather not have her pick up on crude language as such. Its kind of a scary thought…

"But, I'm pretty sure I was just on the line with a woman." the receptionist was getting irritated and to be frank, I don't' blame her.

"Well, I am insulted. Just because my voice never cracked does not mean that you have to ridicule me-"

"I'm not ridiculing you, I'm just confused-"

"Well, I bet you are! Imma sue you!" And with that Gazzy jabbed the pound button and we all exploded into laughter.

Once it had died down, Gazzy looked at us and asked, "Who next?"

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>

**I hate to beg, but I would REALLY like to know what you think.**

**PM your ideas.**

**Once again, REVIEW! Please and thank you.**

**XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to Cadisha Ora Rhaksha Caden for the ideas! Anyone who was any ideas is free to PM me.**

**Thanks for the reivews!**

**Sorry if I offended anyone with this one.**

**Without further or do, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Nudge jumped up and squealed," The Jonas Brothers!"<p>

"How are we supposed to call the Jonas Brother when we don't even know their number?" Gazzy groaned," Besides, who likes those lame excuses for singers anyway?"

Nudge sat up straight," Me and Angel.

To prevent their little feud from getting worse, I spoke up," But do you have their number?"

"Yes…" Nudge nodded her curly, unruly head much to my surprise.

How in the name of all that is holy did she get her dainty little hands on their number?

"When we snuck out one night and went to their concert." Angel answered my thoughts. I swear, that child just doesn't get the concept sometimes…

"You did what?" I snapped, ready to jump on the both of them. They could have at least told me. Oh yeah, then I probably would have said no.

Iggy and Fang were both sitting up, attention called over to the two mischievous girls.

Nudges picture perfect smile faded," You weren't supposed to tell them, Angel!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," Gazzy said," …But Nudge, seriously, how did you get their number?"

"We were standing at the edge of the stage," Nudge explained," Joe's phone fell out of his pocket and plummeted to my feet. When I picked it up, my sensory powers retrieved all the numbers from the phone. They have been saved in my memory, you know, just in case I was in a situation like this."

I let the anger roll off of me," I will deal with this later." I suppressed, "Just give Gazzy the number, so we can call them."

Gazzy handed the phone to Nudge, who speedily punched in the number and handed it back.

"Are you calling their landline?' Iggy queried, all of a sudden interested. Did he like the Jonas Brothers too? Oh dear God, please no…

"No, its Joe's cell." Nudge replied," Why?"

Fang flickered a confused glance in Iggy's direction," Wait, Ig, you don't like the Jonas Brothers too, do you?"

To that, Iggy was fast to respond," No!" he snapped," I mean, I was just wondering, because if we knew where they lived I would bomb their whole house to hell and end everybody's suffering."

"Language." I snarled

Finally, the constipated voice of Joe answered. Nudge covered her grinning mouth as Gazzy took the phone from her clutch before she started giggling like a hyena.

"Um…Joe?" he sounded so much like Nick it was scary.

We could hear people talking in the background as Joe replied, "Yes, Nick?"

Gazzy swallowed, "I was just going to let you know that the producers of our show have cancelled it."

"What show?" Joe asked, irritated.

What did he mean 'what show?" ? The one that all the eleven year old girls talk about nonstop. Gosh, stupid Jonas Brother being stupid!

"_The Real Jonas Brothers, _idiot." Gazzy answered. This boy makes me so proud sometimes.

"Hey, mom and dad said not to curse!" Joe snapped, leaving us all with mouths agape.

"Wow.." Fang muttered as he inched in closer.

Putting the receiver back to his mouth, Gazzy said," Well, I also called to tell you that Camp Rock three is also cancelled."

There was a groan on the other end of the line," Why?"

"Well, they said that we just weren't badass enough."

Angel had already fallen asleep, so I let it slip.

Once again, Joe snapped," Stop that! Do you ever listen to mom and dad?"

"No…sorry," Gazzy paused," They said that they won't resume the mini series till we start doing fun things; like…" his voice trailed off as I assume he didn't know what to say . Probably because he was only eight and had no idea of what 'adult fun' was…or because he was afraid of my outcome.

"Am I going to have to give up my purity ring?" Joe actually sounded hurt.

"Um, yeah whatever that is." Gazzy said. I don't plan on telling him anytime soon. He doesn't know and I plan to keep it that way.

Joe was know sobbing on the other end," I can't believe it… I am too good to do that. How will I ever give it up?"

Gazzy was speechless, as the rest of us rolled our eyes. Was he really crying over this?

"I know," Joe finally dried up," I'll give it up, so long as I can go out with this hot chick."

"Okay," Gazzy trailed off, obviously still confused," I guess that is what they mean by, you know, 'bad'. I've already ditched Miley."

"I'm going to go out with Ashley Greene!" Joe exclaimed, obviously a fan of those new teen vampire movies.

"Well that's cool," Gazzy replied," And Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"Our tours for the next six months are cancelled too."

All we heard was a scream on the other end of the line before Gazzy hit pound.

We all rolled over, as we clutched our stomachs to prevent them from exploding as we laughed. I could literally feel a six pack building up.

Then the Gasman went dead silent.

"What is it, Gasman?"

He turned to Nudge," Who else's numbers do you have?"

* * *

><p><strong>Hope this made you laugh or at least crack a smile! Let me know in the reviews XD<strong>

**~Kayti**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! This one really isn't a _prank_ call, but I couldn't resist putting it up here. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>G POV<strong>

"Could this place be anymore boring?" Iggy ranted. Sometimes, I swear that boy could do a better job of concealing his frustration. I don't really blame him though...

"For a blind man and a live whoopie cushion, no." I answered

Iggy groaned in response. Sometimes he was just like Max. Or at least Max _at certain times._ It was a strange thing that I'm still trying to figure out to this very day- she is only lilke that for one week in a month, the rest of the time she's tolerable. I'm too scared to ask when she is mad so I normally hide in my room till the week is up. Strange little pattern that is.

Currently, the Ig and I are the only beings in the house. Maz and Fang went flying and probably eating each other's faces, while Nudge, Angel, and Total went walking. What? Yeah, we can fly but its nice to use our legs every once in a while.

"Do you want to build a bomb or something?" I dropped the question out of no where, eager to do something. Heck, I 'd settle for eating toenails over what I'm doing now...which is biting my fingernails. I's be damned if he said no(and yes, I just used a curse word; the best part of Angel and Max's abscence).

"We're out of gun powder."

I unleashed a wierd half scowl as my blue eyes landed on a small, black piece of magical, twenty first century technology: a cell phone. I think it belongs to Fang, but who cares? I have thwarted employees and secretaries to annoy!

I retrieved the phone that was laying upon the glass coffee table that was miraculously still in one piece and jumped up in an abrubt, loud way to snatch Iggy's attention.

"What the hell?" he demanded, obviously upset to have been dragged out of his beauty sleep. Iggy was probably as shocked as I was to have not been snapped at by Max. Habit. It really sucks when she is always on our case about that; even when she is not here you feel as if you'll be slapped.

"I have a phone...it's Fang's" I told him," Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

All of a sudden, Iggy suggested something I would have never thought of in a million years, or at least until I expire," You want to call Max to ruin her, erm, alone time with Fang?"

I was just going to call Waffle House or boy is a _genius _right next to being a pyro -maniac. And that's genius with a capital G. Or J...? Oh well, leave it to The Genius to decide.

"That is the most diabolical scheme of yours ever, Ig...good thinking!"

"It's what I'm here for."

"No, you're here to help me build bombs."

"That too."

I shifted gears. If this was going to go good, I had to be serious. Or at least act serious. Anything to aviod getting the whip cracked on me.

"So, like, what exactly did you have in mind?"

Iggy swallowed for some reason, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat," Well, just act liike yourself- keep up a conversation with, you know, conversation things. When she tries to hang up, ask another question and act as if is important."

I almost nodded, but caught myself.

This was going to be great.

Plumping down on the couch, I steadily began browsing Fang's contacts. I snorted when I came across Max's name with a heart beside it. Houw could it get any girlier? I didn't bother informing Ig; it was just another thing for me to use against Fang.

The phone rang a few times before Max's confused voice broke through," Hello? Gazzy?"

I put on my happiest voice, so she could tell that is was me,: Hey Max! How'd you know it was me?"

"Well um, Fang's here beside me and I can see Angel and Nudge strolling around from where we sit. WHat are you doing with Fang's cell?"

"I was bored and all of a sudden-ta da!- Fang's phone magically appears on the coffee table. There's nothing else to do around here so I thought I what better to do than call you, Maximum dearest." I said sweetly.

"Okay, um Gazzy, I can tell you're up to something."

"No...why would you think that?" I queried. If she were in front of me I would have to mask my smile with my best poker face. P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Max drawled in a simmering breath," First of all, you don't even sound like yourself. TO top it, you don't just call me out of boredom or drop me a name like 'Maximum dearest'. Either tell me what is going on or fing something else to do."

Wow, she really sounded annoyed. Must be that week again.

But on the bright side, mission accomplished.

"Well...I'm wearing underwear today."

I know its random, but anything to make her proud. Beside me, Iggy coughed to hide his laughter.

There was a threee second pause, "That's good. If that's all I really need to go-"

"No Max, just wait-"

"_What!_ What do you want?"

Quickly, I scanned my brain for something to say. Then, I finally decided to man up and ask her if it were that darn old week.

"Max, is it that week again?"

"What week?"

"Well, sometimes you get mad and you stay that way for a week. But it only happens like once in a month." Iggy tensed in his spot; I don't understand why though.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." her voice was quiet, then transposed to anger again," Oh my gosh! I can't believe you would ask me that! Gazzy, don't you ever ask any women that, ever! Do you understand?"

"Um...okay... I don't get the danger in it..." I trailed off, confused. This was supposed to be a fun phone call; I did what Iggy told me to- I kept the conversation alive.

"We'll talk about this when I get home." Max snappped, then the phone clicked. We were disconnected.

Iggy quickly stood up," Wow, you really screwed up." And with that, he turned on his hell and evacuated as if I had broke wind.

"I did what you told me to!" I shouted after him. He was already gone.

What did I do?

* * *

><p>Max was sitting beside me on the couch, seething. Even Fang wasn't in here.<p>

"Gaz, don't ask a woman if she is on her cycle, ever." She firmly demanded.

"What does it mean when she is on her cycle?"

Do I really want to know this?

Max sighed.

* * *

><p>"So, never ask any woman that. Okay?" Max <em>finally<em> finished. I'm about to throw up.

I seriously didn't mean for her to go into detail on what _that_ was. Things were so awkward now. My face was red.

Why didn't you stop me from asking that Iggy? I won't be able to eat for a week now.

And strangely, I'm more freaked out than Max. You would think...

I couldn't speak another word. I just nodded.

"Good." Max dismissed. "Fang, Iggy, y'all don't have to hide anymore. It's safe."

Not a thing in the house stirred.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh Gazzy, Gazzy, Gazzy... why did you ask that? Haha, gotta love him!<strong>

**At least he doesn't have to wonder anymore!**

**Thank you all my reviewers/favorites/ alerts!**

**^They are appreciated. XD**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews/ alerts/ favorites! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>After Max frightened me from prank calling, I've basically marinated in my own boredom for two weeks. Since I decided to take a break from my prank calls, Iggy and I have constructed numerous bombs. We could literally build our own army twice the populations of California. Or maybe not. I'd settle for Rhode Island.<p>

In the wake of the moment, I'm sprawled on the couch listening to Iggy speak of things that make me wonder if the gun powder fumes have traveled to his brain. The thought was enough to shift my jealousy as Nudge was watching _Full House _on _ABC Family_. Everything from Bob Fagot (don't tell Max where I heard that word) and the cheesy, cheesy theme song is enough to drive one to the depths of insanity and back again. Of all shows, Nudge settles for this. I could be watching _Mythbusters._ I would rather be watching anything but _Full House_, matter of fact.

"Up next, _The 700 Club." _the narrorator announced as _Full House_ went off.

_Except this..._

Luckily, Nudge picked up the remote.

"Wait, don't change it." I gasped

Iggy snorted," Since when do you watch _The 700 Club?"_

I ignored the comment, with this idea, I felt I had no time to spare,"Write down that number."

I was giddily cooking up my latest scheme.

Nudge grabbed a pen and jotted it down on the bottom of the coffee table. Nobody will spot it. I've written numerous things under the table.

THen, I fetched the nearest phone and got to business.

"700 Club, how may I help you?" a feminine voice emitted from the reciever.

"Whoa," I mimicked her, "What is this? Walmart? I just need some help?"

"Okay, what is your relationship with God?"

"Does it matter?" I drawled," I need help. It hurts so bad, oooh."

"Yes mam, what is your name?"

"I'm a man! I fought in Vietnam for heaven's sake!"

"Yes, sir," she corrected herself, "What is your name?"

I flashed a glare at Nudge, who, like Iggy, was already cracking a grin. She mouthed the worst, abominal name in the history of the human race.

"... Hermy..."

"_Hermy?"_

I nearly laughed," Yes, Hermy. H as in hell. E as in egghead. R as in rude. M as in-"

"Is this a prank call?" the woman inquired. I love it when they get that idea. Makes things funnier.

"No! I. Need._ Help!"_

"What can I help you with?"

" I need you to pray for me."

"Yes?"

"_I have explosive diahreah!"_

Nudge and Iggy weren't making a sound to my surprise. Was I not funny?

"Um sir, I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure you were just trying to get a laugh out of this." THe woman really sounded irritated.

"No, mam. I'm serious; I need your prayer! I would give anything to be featured on your show." I yapped. It must've been strange to her, as I was imitating her voice.

"Sir-

"I've been watching this show for thirty plus years, and this is how I'm rewarded?"

"I apoligixe sir-" the woman scrambled to make ammends.

"Call me Hermy! I'm beggining to question your motives."

"Yes Hermy, I apoligize you're not satisfied with our service-"

"Oh forget it, you'll just lose another longtime veiwer." I stamped pound with my thumb before she could return a respond.

Unusually, there was no outburst of hoarse laughter. NO giggles, chuckled, not even pats on the back or compliments on how great I am.

But wait...why is Nudge crying. And...does Iggy-

They're laughing so hard it's silent!

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: Sorry that this one isn't as funny. I tried my hardest- this stupid writer's block!<strong>

**Please review!**


End file.
